I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Randomize
