We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
