My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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