I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
