Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
