Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
