I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
