How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
