Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
