there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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