I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
