You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Mom said you looked used
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
