So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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