My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
