Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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