who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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