Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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