You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
