It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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