Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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