I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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