so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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