So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
