I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
