his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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