Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
