break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
