her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
