Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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