i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
