Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
