I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
