So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
