My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
