I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm jealous of your bromance
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
