it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
