don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
