you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
