1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
