Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
