Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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