I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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