Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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