We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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