I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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