Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
