fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
