got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
