In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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