Michael Bay diarrhea
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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