how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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