You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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